Unworthy of how to stop hating yourself
How to stop being so hard on yourself
It's time to learn how to stop being tough on me. We've all been through this before. Things went well in chief and we have the feeling that we have learned a
It's time to learn how to stop being harsh on yourself
We've all been through this. Things went wrong and we feel like we should have known better, made different decisions, or prevented a disaster.
We see perfection and only know that we are somehow falling short.
It's easy to be tough on yourself.
This sinking feeling we get when we should have dealt with a situation differently, this fear we get when we look in the mirror and wish we looked more like an XYZ influencer or a supermodel, or that Feeling sorry that we hurt someone without wanting to.
Or even lie awake at night, burdened with desperation about the state of the world.
We all made it. Many women have done it over and over again.
If you have felt self-loathing about things that you cannot control, be it your appearance, your health, your finances, your family, your society, or anything else, please put it on hold.
As with opening a lock, there are always solutions to be found.
I have had so many customers with such "impossible" emotional situations. And the biggest thing I've learned - and you need to know - is that there are always solutions!
Sometimes they are instant. Sometimes they are more like opening a lock one by one. But there are always solutions.
First of all, you should know that it is okay to hate yourself - feeling that way is really normal. There is nothing wrong with you being angry, feeling hatred, or upset. They are normal human feelings.
So, get off the hook for this one! You can react to difficult situations with strong emotions.
Knowing this, forgive yourself for feeling this way. This in itself is healing.
Nobody is perfect. And because this is actually a very common problem, there are surprisingly "normal" reasons for it.
When you hate yourself it's actually a great signpost that other things are going on behind the scenes. Hate is like your inner self, which asks you to realize that you direct yourself a lot and against yourself.
You were not born to hate yourself.
And the big key here is that those negative thoughts are coming from somewhere! You were not born to hate yourself or others - no one is.
We learn to hate things or judge them to be wrong. In order not only to feel better, but to actually give yourself space to expand into a better situation, you need to learn to deal with it.
The pattern of self-hatred almost always comes from childhood. Most likely, you have very high standards for yourself and feel that you are not living up to them. This is where self-hatred, shame, and guilt come from.
I was there too, like so many of us!
First of all, you should know that these standards are often hidden. So try to find out exactly in your head where you feel you have missed out.
Explain like you're telling a friend. Often times this shows judgments so unreasonable that we can breathe easier when we see that we are not responsible for them.
The catch on impossible standards.
Who gave you these incredibly high standards? It is often about ideas of "perfection" - whether it is a "perfect" mother, a "perfect" body or a "perfect" face to be rich, successful or married up to a certain age.
Most of these standards come from society and other people. It's just ideas that people have agreed on. And often they are pushed onto us by advertisements and people who benefit financially from our pursuit of achievement.
Remember - that somewhere someone told or taught you that you are not enough. This is where self-hatred comes from.
Does that feel a little different? Do you understand your own reaction a little better now? Maybe you can publish it a little?
Why some people can face failure with a smile.
Not everyone hates themselves for not living up to certain ideals. Some people even thrive in the face of it!
There is a difference between people who shake off the idea of perfection and thrive as they are unique.
Happy, lively people from size 16. Young-looking, exuberant 80-year-olds.
Uneducated people who somehow manage to do better in business than those who have spent years at university. People with severe physical disabilities who inspire and guide others with unstoppable determination.
We're back to childhood. Our reactions and our dealings with the seemingly impossible stem largely from childhood.
So who may have shown you, or even told you, that it is appropriate to hate yourself? Who around you hated yourself growing up?
When we are children, we don't just do what our parents tell us, we model their behavior.
It can be as subtle as having a mother who is constantly dieting and complaining about her weight, or a father who insists that nothing else is good enough.
Love was withheld unless certain conditions were met. The underlying signals to the child would have been: "I'm not good enough because I don't fit a certain picture, and that's why I hate myself."
It's not your fault!
As a child you would have picked it up and modeled it as behavior, as an emotional reaction.
In other words, if you hate yourself now, somehow someone taught you to be mean to yourself and berate yourself in your inner comment when you were a kid.
They may not have noticed what they were doing - they probably learned from someone too! It wasn't your fault then, and now it's not your fault.
Perfection is not natural. Look at nature - everything in it is "completely imperfect".
When you start to reveal the underlying things that made you hate yourself - for whatever reason - you start to heal. And you let more of your inner goodness, your inner essence, your inner beauty and your gifts shine through.
Know that this is how you can feel, and that it is likely a very natural response to what you have been shown and taught. Forgive yourself for hating yourself.
Be your own friend.
Be a little more of your own ally. If any of your friends, family members, or even your child felt this way, how would you talk to them?
Be your own friend. Try to see yourself from the outside.
You can improve this. You can be free from self-loathing, but it can take a little time. This is truly a hidden childhood sore that is expressing itself in your adult life.
Your uniqueness and your inner light.
This is something most of us struggle with, but awareness is the first step in healing. You are a unique and precious person.
Of the over 7.5 billion people on this planet, only you exist exactly like that. The chance you exist has been calculated to be about one in 14 trillion. That means, mathematically speaking, you are a miracle!
Try to forgive yourself a little more and share your judgments a little. Notice where the judgments and hatred might come from. Work on seeing yourself as you would as a friend or child.
You're here for a reason. Those who have had a difficult journey most often have a very special purpose in life.
I believe in you!
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