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Process separation? 7 phases, no-go's & overcoming the separation

How are you ever supposed to deal with your breakup? When you break up, a lot goes through your head, but most of all you have the feeling that you will never be happy again. Don't you know that too?
There are 7 phases that you will go through when you break up (which each of us has been through). Which error You dear avoid should and at what You realize that you are the separationovercome have found out now!


Everyone goes through this once: The 7 phases of separation

1. The shock

The words have been spoken - there is no turning back now. But is it really over for good? A breakup puts many in one right at the startParalysis.
In this moment you are Not to able to even some kind of emotion to feel. It even happens that newly separated are more likely Scare, however, this phase is very short.
In the shock phase, the affected person feels almost frozen. The view is empty and cool, you can't find the words to even bring a sentence to your lips. The appetite also suddenly disappeared.
Physical symptoms:
1. Freezing
2. Stiff and rigid posture
3. Decreased feeling of pain
4. Complete weakness
5. Exhaustion
Why does the body behave like this? He protects you in front one concentrated Overstimulation and savesforce for the next phases.

2. Denial

None of this is true at all, if you wake up again tomorrow, then everything will certainly be fine again. As always, it was just an argument, which this time pretty much degenerated. Is it really like that, or are you saying it nicely?

Typical thoughts of denial:

1. You hope to have a reconciling conversation
2. It was all just a misunderstanding
3. You are looking for justifications for why your (ex) partner behaved this way
4. You pretend to the outside world that everything is fine: Don't tell friends and family anything
5. You pretend nothing has happened and you go about your everyday life just as you did before the breakup
If you also have the thought yourself just enough strive to have to and then it will be again? A breakup won't be that quick Undone made. There are deeperreasonswhy the partnership broke.
"It can't be true, until recently everything was going so well!" The feeling of just continuing to exert yourself, being nice, maintaining contact and being attentive, is growing ever wider.

Physical symptoms:

1. Impotence
2. Exhaustion
3. Restlessness
4. Nightmares

3. The anger

Your Feelings In this phase you start to vent, everything that you accumulated in the first two phases breaksnow from you out. Your gaze will straighten again and you will slowly come to.
The anger, anger or hatred you feel is one character that you can break away from your ex-partner. It's almost like fighting back against the pain you've experienced.
The good: You have the worst behind you, from now on you can only go uphill!
The disadvantage: The anger and anger that you have within you make sure that you don't care about anything else. Be careful, because at this stage those are exactly what happensrash actionsthat to us in hindsight to annoy or embarrassing are.
Use sport as a counterbalance to be able to process the extreme surge of energy instead of planning an act of revenge.

Physical symptoms:

1. Back pain
2. Lumbago
3. Herpes
4. Fever
5. knee pain

4. Negotiation

In this phase you are faced with two paths:Either You keep taking care of that To process the relationship, or With the help of couples therapy, you are working to target that separationundone close.
You will come up with the strangest ideas, activities, or other actions to get in touch with your ex and to haggle over the relationship. Large gifts or concessions also dominate the phase.
But what about yours Self worth? It either shrinks or it degenerates into a kind of arrogance.
"If I promise you that I will change this and that, then ..." - Your urge to have to do something or to be able to do something increases immeasurably.

Physical symptoms:

1. Nervousness
2. Forgetfulness
3. Colds
4. Emotional fluctuations
5. Carelessness
Our tip: Don't sell yourself below value! Stay as close to reality as possible, and ask friends and family to open their eyes if certain behavior occurs.

5. Depression

You have now realized that the lineindispensable is. You have now got to the point where you emotionally realize it finally over is. A kind of depression is taking hold, with the Sadness after a separation from the partner something is healthy and it goes to the processbelongs, the pain of separation to process.
The farewell from your partner, all the shared memories, the apartment, friends and plans that you had together hurts,but somehow it also shows you that you had a wonderful time together and that it means something to you - don't forget that!
Do you notice something? The dispute and stress the past is not so dramatic anymore as before the separation - compared to the current loss. The feeling of being at the mercy of having no fun and that everything is simply not going to be as beautiful as it used to be expands.
The question of "why" and the interpretationof establish the separationtakes over and leads to great sadness and many tears. Important: Don't suppress anything, you need to be able to handle the end of your relationship properly, so take as much time as you need to.


1. Depression
2. loneliness
3. Self-doubt
4. Fear

6. Let go

Now you have it separationaccepted and start again yourself about smaller things to look forward to. You are more concentrated at work, your everyday life is settling in again and for the first time you have the feeling that things are going uphill again.

What happens in this phase?

1. You have the feeling that you can become happy again
2. The feeling of being able to imagine a new partner arises very slowly
3. You think less about your ex-partner
4. The new beginning with the ex-partner is a thing of the past
5. You only take care of yourself - “What do I want now” is in the foreground
Also very interesting is that at this stage you will likely notice how extreme you are Have built life around the partner. Because now you put friendship, sexuality and family in the foreground. Your ownneeds and Wishes have all the time put back, the troubleswallowed down - not anymore!

7. Reorientation

The final phase is dawning - now you are ready for one Reorientation. The separation is overcome and is now considered to be past.
You feel alive again and feel like you are to rediscover, new things to try outthat you haven't done all along out of consideration for your ex. Many “new singles” in this phase reinvent themselves, try out new possibilities and the wounds of the last few weeks and months have healed.
Please do not forget: Don't be afraid of a new disappointment when you're ready for a new partner - haven't we all gone through a breakup?

Processing Separation: The Differences Between Women and Men

Women process a breakup more violently than men, but also faster

A study by Birmingham University found that women suffer much more intensely from the physical and emotional pain of a breakup. In return, you are all the stronger afterwards and have completely overcome the separation.
1. You actively involve those around you and talk about the separation - family and friends are a great support during this time
2. You cry more often and also realize that you feel better afterwards.
3. You suffer more intensely, but also process the separation much faster. And better.
4. You do not start a relationship until the end of the relationship is finally processed.

Men just pick up where they left off

1. Unlike women, men pretend nothing has happened. They just keep going and pushing aside the emotional pain and so don't process the breakup.
2. You distract yourself with everything, regardless of whether it is sport, work or partying. The main thing is that there is a lot more of everything, so that there is hardly any time to think about it.
3. Men replace the ex faster - they find a new partner faster - whether this has to do with serious intentions remains to be seen.
4. You examine conflicts, statements and disputes less often. You think less about what you did wrong.
5. You hide the feelings as best you can because you think it's not worth it.

How do I cope with a breakup with a child

When you break up with a child, you not only have to process your own separation pain, sort yourself, get a grip on life and feelings, but also ensure, that your child can cope well with the separation. But how?
For children is a separation at least as well painful as for yourself. You feel yourself lonely, leave and Sad. Especially for children, parenting separation is one strongerincision in the previous life.
Questions like “Where is mom / dad going”, “Why are mom and dad sad?” And “Do we have to move out of our house?” Will come to your ears.
Not infrequently think the children even that they are the The cause of the separation of the parents are. The Fear of loss are getting bigger and bigger, but they have not yet learned how to deal with it. As well as!

As a parent, you need to make the following things clear to your children:

1. Children need to stand up for noparentdecide, there will always be both.
2. The children will nobody from you to lose.
3. The children are not fault at the separation.
4. Let your children not in the dark, talk to you about what happens next and what happens next. Of course, a ten-year-old thinks differently than a five-year-old.
5. Show your children that you are are always there for you and that they can talk to you about the subject at any time.
6. Your own feelings and bad words about the partner will become you No wayannounce to the child because your children are not the interlocutor to process your separation.
Nevertheless, you can expect resistance, because children of course always want their parents to stay together for the rest of their lives.

How long does it take to process a breakup?

Short and sweet: There is no specific week, month, year or general time that says - now the separation is over. On the contrary, it depends on you as a person.
Among other things, an ob You are the one who is leaving - or who is being left. The one who leaves ended the breakup much earlier than the one who stays.

If you are from scratch a high Self esteem you can usually process a breakup more easily and quickly. It also leads to a quicker readiness for a new relationship.
On the other hand, believe that your ex-partner is the only suitable partner and you will never get to know anyone else you still need more time to process the breakup.

Ever more independent Your Life satisfaction of a partnership, the more lighter you will overcome the pain of separation. But it is your whole Lifeon the partner focused and you have this one responsibilitybroadcast for your happiness, takes your Separation phase easy longer.
Basically everyone goes through the seven phases of separation more or less. Only when we have reached the final phase can we actively say that we have overcome the separation.

The biggest mistakes when processing a breakup

1. "Stalk" the ex extensively

We understand that you are curious about what your ex will do after the breakup. Nowadays in particular, it is much easier to find out what the other person is doing. But what does that do for you? Nothing so do not torture yourself and don't look to who your ex is doing all day long. It just hurts and gets nowhere.

2. Share your suffering with the online world

The internet is always there when you feel bad and you would certainly get comfort from many people too. But is the internet really the right place for this? Once on the Internet, always on the Internet - You cannot cover your tracks so easily afterwards if it is you embarrassing will once you're over your ex.

3. Swallow the pain

Hiding your feelings and eating inside yourself has never been a good idea. Only the speaker is helped and so it is also true in this case! Doyou Your feelings rather air and talk to your friends and family instead of silently suffering.

4. Overcoming separation does not mean living in the past

If, at the beginning of the separation phase, you reminisce, listen to sad music and need one handkerchief at a time, that's fine. But if the whole nightly so, even weeks or months after the breakup, you have to absolutely stop sinking into self-pity. It just makes you sad and gets you nowhere.

5. Make hasty decisions

New is good, very good in fact! Feel free to try new things that you may have had to hold back in the partnership. But before you want to quit your job, ins foreign countries want to go or your hair half a meter cut off want,they think You're welcome about it. Sleep on it for a few days and only when you are really sure that you still want it - do it!

6. Become a loner

Nobody is forcing you to take action while processing your breakup. The Of course, quiet comes in handy, but hiding in bed all day and avoiding any contact with friends and family is absolutely not a good idea.
What is happening? your Hole doesn't get smaller, it gets bigger and bigger and making it out of it is getting harder and harder for you. So why make it difficult when it can be easy? Friends and family are happy to be there for you!

7. We can stay friends

The Contact the ex is a common wish, especially at the beginning - you have already lost your partner, but you want the person Not entirely from the Exclude life. The feelings are still too strong to let go.
But don't do any empty promises, The distance is doing you very well right now, and if the breakup has grown somewhat, you can still decide if you want to keep in touch.

8. Insanity, because hope dies last

Hope is the biggest problem after you break up. "Maybe it will be something after all"; "I'm going to keep quiet now and think about what I can change so that we can get together again" - please brush such sentences out of your head. The sooner you realize that the decision is final and that it is not a temporary breakup, the sooner you can process the breakup.

9. None Acts of revenge against your Process breakups

At some point you get into the separation phase where theAnger bursting out of all corners and thoughts running through your head as you would yours Excan really pay back. The best thing to do is to suppress it immediately, because with revenge your separation won't be easier.
That you will even regret the alleged act is very certain. So keep calm and clear your head.

Overcome separation? You can recognize it by these 7 characteristics

1.Free head

No more breaking up about the relationship, the eternal “what if” and “why didn't I have it back then” finally stops. You are free and open to new things again.

2. No heartache

Shared memories, photos or a sudden meeting of the ex-partner no longer hurts you. For you, this is now a thing of the past.

3. No psychological pain

Your self-esteem is on the rise again and you no longer have guilt or self-doubt - you have overcome the pain.

4. Live life

You can finally get started again, your zest for life is back! You do activities and things that you enjoy.

5. The separation was right

It is and will all be in the past from now on and when you look back it was a good decision too. Even if it was painful, it was the right decision.

6. Optimism

Meanwhile you only see the positive of your separation? The negative aspects are finally gone. How nice, then you can finally look carefree and freely into the future.

7. Processing separation teaches for life

You learned a lot during your separation phase, but most of all: about yourself! As it is well known that you never stop learning, you have probably already given some thought to what you would like to do better in your next relationship.