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Relationship break: when does a temporary separation make sense?

Sometimes relationships are just the worst. Be it that you have drifted apart, that both give little effort to each other or that tenderness and sex have disappeared from the scene.

Often the feeling for one another is still there, only the awareness for one another has been lost. The relationship has become more of a coexistence than a togetherness. Still, you don't want to split up too quickly. After all, you still love the other. And then the partner should be worth fighting for. So what can be done to change something?

Specter of relationship break

Sometimes at this point it can help to keep the two of them apart for a while. Keyword break in relationships. The goal: to look at the relationship and everything around it from a distance and to think seriously about your partner. From a distance you can see a lot of things that you don't even notice in everyday relationships.

Of course, the topic of break in relationships scares many couples. Ultimately, the question arises: isn't this the beginning of the end of the relationship? Don't you move away rather than approach again? Doesn't the other person rather notice that they can live very well without me when there is a break in the relationship? Don't worry: this CAN happen, but it doesn't have to.

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Temporary separation: when does it make sense?

Ultimately, it is a question of type, and only both partners alone can assess whether the relationship break model is suitable for them. Because it requires a large amount of reflection and a willingness to work on yourself from both of you. Both have to see the break as an opportunity for the relationship - not as a cowardly way out to quickly get out of the way of the problems without having to talk about it too much. (Of course there is also the cowardly faction, which calls "relationship break" or "time out", which is actually quite clearly a separation.)

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Relationship break: You should heed these 5 rules

1. Fixed rules for time out

The crucial thing is how to deal with the temporary separation. In other words: what is agreed for the time of the break in the relationship? On the one hand, the break should not last longer than three, four or a maximum of five weeks. After all, time out is about a time to think, not to get used to it without the other.

And secondly, you have to talk about whether you can talk, meet and be close to each other during this break, or whether there should be complete radio silence. This decision as to whether or not to keep in touch during the break in the relationship is not always easy. Because the needs of the two partners in this situation are not necessarily the same. It is therefore all the more important to clarify this question BEFORE the break.

2. How much freedom are allowed during the break in the relationship?

Also not unimportant: What about other men and women during the break? Are meetings, or even sex, with others OK for both partners or would that hurt either partner?
If one of the partners wants to quickly test his market value, that is not the original purpose of the break in the relationship, but rather a step into being single.

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3. Asking honest questions

Ultimately, it is better not to plunge into nightlife, work or suddenly become the Duracell bunny in your circle of friends during the break in the relationship. Instead, it makes more sense to calm down, go to the exam and ask yourself questions about your relationship. Do you still really love your partner or is it just habit and fear of being alone that keeps us from separating? Are there still common goals or do both just live side by side? Do you still feel loved by your partner? Desired? Do you trust the relationship that everything can change for the better if both work on each other or have both long since given up?

It is not always easy to ask yourself these questions honestly. But it is important not to avoid the questions that have been avoided for far too long. This is the only way to become aware of whether the relationship should be given another chance or whether a definitive separation makes sense.

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4. The conversation after the break in the relationship

Another important point: When you see each other after the break, you should have an honest conversation about your fears, desires and feelings. Without taboos, but also without offending the other. After this conversation, both should clearly state whether they want to fight for each other or whether they no longer see any meaning in the relationship.

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5. The common plan

Anyone who decides to fight together after the relationship break should be clear: Now there is a lot of (relationship) work that should not be underestimated. At the same time, both of them sharpen their view of what is no longer wanted in the partnership, what disturbs or hurts the other and what can be done better in the future. Anyone who treats each other lovingly and can speak openly will do well.

Instead of focusing on the annoyances in the partnership, you should give the relationship something of its old shine again. How? By remembering the good old days and thinking about what kept you from reviving those times for so long. A break in a relationship can therefore be the key to a new happiness in a relationship. Both just have to be ready for it.

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Created August 13, 2019
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