Don't sprinkle roses when I'm gone

"What if my weight doesn't stop increasing?"

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"What if my weight doesn't stop increasing?" I asked myself this question several times a day during my recovery and before, when I was just toying with the idea of ​​letting go of the eating disorder. But even when I found my motivation to want to get well, that thought got in my way.

I was terrified of losing control and gaining weight once I started. So I always chose the "safe" route and stayed with the eating disorder. Giving my body control and trusting it to regulate itself seemed impossible to me.

I had lost confidence in my body when I had to take the neuroleptic "Zyprexa" at the age of 17 and gained 13 kg of it within 3 months. I've always been afraid of gaining weight because the eating disorder was already in my head even when I was "normal weight". But the drug made my body completely out of control and so did my panic.
That experience had that Trust in my body and fundamentally destroys its ability to self-regulate.

But that weight gain back then was not natural and not healthy. It was a side effect of chemicals and nothing that my body could control or needed to heal. When I understood why I no longer trusted my body, I was better able to accept my fear and question it rationally.

I decided to give my body one more chance and support it as best I could. I wanted WITH work for him to finally get well.

I knew I had to go through fear. I waited a long time to be "ready", but in the end I needed courage: @sarahlesch_official "Courage does not mean not to be afraid. Courage means that you still jump."I took responsibility for my health and wrote my"Recovery commitment“, Which I read through every morning and kept clearly visible