What does it mean to love me harder

Love yourself

Self-love means unreserved love for yourself. It is considered the foundation for being able to love other people and is an essential part of interaction with our environment. The Bible also says: "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Lev 19:18; Lk 10:27; Gal 5:14). But what does it mean? Why should one learn to love oneself? And how can you manage to love yourself? I would like to get to the bottom of these questions in this article.

The book / audio book is also highly recommended at this point displayMarry Yourself: How Radical Self-Love Is Revolutionizing Our Lives

Table of Contents

Why is it so difficult for us to love ourselves?

Most people find it difficult to love themselves because they believe they are not perfect enough. They assume that you can only love something if you are 100% convinced of it. But this is exactly where the fallacy lies. Loving yourself has to do with accepting yourself. Those who can accept themselves, and accept as they are, accept their environment as it is - with all its ups and downs. Even if the expectations are not 100% met.

Our lack of self-love can be traced back to the increasing demands in our society. The pressure to perform in professional life, at university or in private life is increasing and in many areas results are rated either poorly or neutrally, although they are actually good results. Perfectionism is simply fundamentally presupposed and the expectations of ourselves continuously increase.

Why should one learn to love oneself?

Self-love, i.e. love for oneself, has various positive effects that have a significant impact on our lives. When we love ourselves, our self-confidence also increases at the same time. This means that we can naturally deal with many situations more calmly. We enter negotiations strengthened because we know that our personal worth does not depend on the results or performance that we have provided. Even if someone expresses criticism, we take note of this and only change something when we are convinced of it ourselves. And not because someone else demands it. That makes us strong personalities.

We look more attractive

Because we love ourselves and at the same time have more self-confidence, we appear more attractive to our environment. This is noticeable, for example, in what we say. Self-love makes us more convinced of ourselves and through it we can also get to the point of what we say more convincingly. People who know what they want and move forward with a clear goal in mind simply appear more attractive.

Emotional stability

Self-love gives us emotional stability. This means that we are not dependent on the opinion of others and have a clear understanding of what we actually want. As a result, we are less subject to constant emotional fluctuations and doubts that make us unsafe and destructive. Self-love can create balance, inner satisfaction and serenity with ourselves and in harmony with our environment. As a result, self-lovers are generally more emotionally positive.

We are more successful

Loving yourself also means being more successful. This applies to both professional and private life. The self-loving knows, even if he fails, that he has to work on himself and will make it the next time. He doesn't blame anyone but himself for it. This self-knowledge strengthens the self-loving person against setbacks. He knows that there will always be another way until he reaches his set goal.

The same goes for private life. Those who can love themselves also tend to have more successful relationships. Problems are noted, but the emotional contribution is not set as high. This means that self-lovers often also have a more harmonious relationship. It is less marked by quarrels, anger and anger.

We are more generous

Because we know what we have in ourselves and are also aware that no one can take this away from us, we are also more willing to give. We are more generous. This applies to both the areas of love, donations, people in need and the general willingness to help. Self-lovers are less marked by greed, envy and resentment. They are grateful for what they have and therefore willing to give something away. In general, self-lovers are concerned with themselves in purity and for the well-being of others.

We treat ourselves better

In addition, we treat ourselves better. Self-loving people are aware of their own worth and therefore treat each other better as a result. You pay attention to your diet, your health and your personal environment. Loving yourself also means consciously doing good to the body because self-loving people know that everything they add positive or negative to their body has an immediate positive or negative effect.

That is why self-loving people are health-conscious, pay attention to their diet, exercise regularly in moderation and create people in their environment who they influence positively. Self-lovers want the best for themselves, but are just as willing to share it with others. You are not selfish, self-centered, or narcissistic. Self-lovers are at peace with themselves.

How can you learn to love yourself?

You can learn to love yourself. Often we loved each other in childhood. Nobody comes into the world and sees things as they are. But through our environment and external influences we have forgotten how to love ourselves again. This includes, for example, how and with whom we grew up and how we were shown how to deal with problems.

This also includes whether you stood on your own two feet at an early age or learned a certain one later on yourself. The result can be self-doubt, inner dissatisfaction and insecurity. This can then be intensified by exposure, bullying and negative criticism. The inner perceived self-worth can then be significantly negatively influenced.

Turn off inner criticism

But loving yourself can be relearned. This is a long maturation process that can often be achieved more quickly with therapeutic help. In order to love yourself, inner criticism must be turned off. This means that we have to stop reproaching ourselves or criticizing ourselves. We have to learn to accept ourselves.

This means that we have to achieve an inner attitude that says, for example, that we should accept external influences as they are. Accusations must be eliminated and we must not attach our own worth to the negative influences. Just because something negative happened doesn't mean it lowers our self-worth. We ourselves are ok and don't let anyone else dispute this.

Change your view of yourself

In addition, we should change our view of ourselves. This means that we shouldn't constantly evaluate ourselves and maybe even punish ourselves. This value system has a direct influence on our actions and affects the weakening of self-confidence, attractiveness, emotional stability, professional and private success, our physical, mental and health condition as well as our willingness to give.

We can change this view by switching off the internal evaluation system as far as possible and not referring criticism to ourselves personally. Should criticism, for example, still appear personally, we accept it in reflection of what we have achieved in the past and who we actually are.

Build confidence

Self-love also has a lot to do with knowing who you actually are, what you have achieved in life so far and where your own weaknesses and strengths are. And to appreciate them too. In order to love yourself, you have to slowly build up your self-confidence. The best way to do this is to understand what made you who you are in the past. Rebuilding self-confidence can best be achieved with therapeutic measures. A well-known expert in the field is the psychotherapist Judith Ortmann.


Learning to love yourself is a long road but it is manageable. Self-love significantly influences our self-confidence, attractiveness, emotional stability, professional and private success, our physical, mental and health condition as well as our willingness to give. That is why the way there is a worthwhile goal. I wish you every success with it.

If you want to deal more closely with the topic, you should get the audio book displayMarry yourself: look at how radical self-love is revolutionizing our lives.

What are your greatest challenges in self-love? I look forward to your comments.

Best regards,

Maximilian Winkler

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